The Most Embarrassing –Almost– First Date Ever!

So, I finally had a chance to see The Flying Lawyer. He just popped up one day asking if I could see him on thursday. I replied “during the day? cuz I can do that!”


Sure enough. He was flying out to update something related to his pilot’s license and would stop in my tiny town to buy me lunch afterwards. Pretttttty damn cool, not to mention impressive, having your own plane.


SO, we made a date.


The day came and I started getting nervous. I had to go scoop him up at the airport, because obviously he didn’t have a car to drive, plus this hick town has no rental car or taxi companies. This is a departure from my usual. I try to be very careful about my personal security. There have been times when I was lackadaisical about it, like with The Latino but generally— I don’t get in someone’s car on the first date. He doesn’t get in my car unless I get a chance to see him and chat a little first. I listen to my intuition… that sort of thing. We go somewhere in public, etc.


This whole situation was so reversed and screwed up. Not only did I have to let him in my car, but I had to pick him up at some remote deserted airport. I didn’t know where it was, so I had to look it up. Then I drove to the wrong airport. (why the hell would a town of like 7000 people have two frickin’ airports?!) Going to the wrong airport made me late, and the anticipation I was feeling while driving around in the middle of no where for like a half an hour was driving me crazy…. AND kickin’ my nervous stomach into gear. Damn it!!


At the first airport, I spotted a porta potty… and hey, when you have a nervous stomach, ya aren’t picky. As long as I don’t have to do my business in front of other people, it’s pretty much game on. So, I stopped briefly and headed for the blue plastic haven.


I stepped inside and it was dirty, and long ago abandoned, as there were numerous spiderwebs inside. The door wouldn’t shut all the way and left a kind of crack. It was small enough though. Someone would have to purposely crank their head to peak in, and if you’re doin’ that– you got problems! My biggest concern was that it felt like the thing was mounted on a fuckin’ skateboard! It was all kinds of wobbly, and I was worried that bitch was going to tip over. I jumped out, terrified at the thought.


However, before I got back in my car — my stomach angrily changed my mind. I exhaled a breath thick with anger, and frustration then gathered my courage and headed back in there.


I somehow managed to patronize the facility without tipping it over and then got back in my car and headed out. As I pulled in to what was obviously the right airport (huge sign with the airfield name on it) I could see him standing outside. He was trim with a runner’s body. He wore khaki cargo shorts and an army green colored t-shirt.

I finally pulled in, at the right airport and with my stomach actually feeling ok. He approached the car and looking fairly stylish aside from his white socks being pulled halfway up his calf. My first thought was that it gave away his age. Mid 40s. He looked great, with broad shoulders. His face was handsome and classic like a leading man from a black and white movie. His hair was cut in to a layered short brown cut, that probably looked fabulous in an expensive suit.


I was surprised. He was VERY handsome. His Plenty Of Freaks profile had a pic of his pilot’s license on there and I figured it was a really old picture… but no! I hoped out of the car, and hugged him… then babbled some frustration about this stupid town having more than one airport. I’m sure he could feel and hear my nervousness.


I wanted to throw him in the car and take off toward somewhere public. All the anticipation was really grating on my nerves. He had to use the facilities first, and of course this -correct- airport had an office where you could go in and use the restroom. No one in there, just an empty building. I, of course, attempted to play it cool and said “hey, no problem.” As he made his way to the men’s room, I decided maybe I needed to use the ladies’. So, I headed in there. Once I got in there, it was freakin’ panic room. I don’t know why exactly… if it was all the nervousness or an onset of the flu but I was melting from the inside out… My heart was beating like the pistons on a race car and my stomach was fuuuucked up. Damn it. I didn’t want to be in there too long and have to explain myself. It would totally blow the cool charade I had going. I tried to breathe through it, like they tell you to do with panic attacks. No bueno. It didn’t work. I stayed until I figured my belly was done raising hell, and then headed out.


I didn’t even make it outside the building when –damn it!– I had to go back in there! So, I tried to make light of it. “I’ve just got to dart back in there one more time,” I said and blamed it on a nervous stomach.


I was getting so nauseated I thought for sure I was going to throw up. What a horrible feeling and I know having him out there was just making me WAY more nervous. I started to think about the fact that, if I drove him into town I’d have to drive him back out to the airfield. I certainly didn’t feel like eating lunch, and of course it’s terribly bad manners to vomit on a first date.


I was finally able to pull myself together some and come out of the restroom. I now felt terribly ill and was breathing heavily. I stepped out and talked to him. “Did you put the door back the way we found it?” he asked. It had been locked up with an odd steel bar.


“No, I didn’t” I replied “I may have to go back in there. I’m really not feeling well,” I confessed.


“Are you nauseated?” he asked.


“Oh, I am SO nauseated,” I said. “I don’t know what’s going on, maybe I caught a bug.”


“I don’t usually affect people that way.” We both laughed.


“Well, we should just do this another time. I don’t need you throwing up in my lap” he half way joked, “besides I’ve got to pick my daughter up at three. I thought I had ’til five but nope.”


“I’m really sorry” I said “this is really embarrassing.” I shook my head and tried to blow out the nausea with an exhale. He started for the door. There would be NO hug good-bye. He’s not crazy. He doesn’t want to get it if I did have a bug.


I breathed a sigh of relief, but I felt SO bad. He had flown all this way. I know fuel for that plane can’t be cheap. I tried to shrug it off. Really, what could I do?


He headed back toward his plane, and I locked up the office, got in my car and headed home to lay on the couch in misery.


He texted me saying “I hope you feel better soon.”


I replied “That’s so sweet. I just walked in the door. I’m really sorry, and you are more handsome than I expected, so double bummer.”


His response shocked me some, and I wasn’t sure how to take it. “Next time b4 we meet, take a half a xanax. lol.”


Should I be offended? That would be slightly hypocritical since I have had my dance with anxiety, and I had mentioned nervous stomach. He was right, I should take something next time. If there is a next time. I didn’t reply, and haven’t heard from him since then.


I did, however, notice he seemed to have a complete lack of compassion for the fact that I nearly DIED from embarrassment, and just a teeny tiny bit for my not feeling well. A snap judgement, I know, but I’ve got my radar on now. In my last marriage I had times when I was sick and had to have surgery, etc, and it was MISERABLE living with someone void of compassion. As if it’s not bad enough being sick or in pain or recovering from surgery, but to be made to feel like a burden as well? Screw that.


I find myself thinking about that sort of thing now. I NEVER did when I was dating in my twenties but these days I’m starting to notice that I know people who are being diagnosed with cancer and all kinds of other things. I always think about that. What if someone got cancer? Would he hang? Would he be helpful and full of heart? Would he jump in and work harder to make the bills, or just make things worse?


After that episode.. I think my dating/relationship give-a-damn broke. I just felt like “Fuck this bs. I don’t need this. I don’t need the hassle, or the panic attack, or the embarrassment.”


I decided I’d let whatever other situations I might have going on with The Psych Student and The Cross Fit Junkie just fade as every other situation seems to have done (despite my valiant efforts) over the last year…. then I fell asleep on my couch.

Published in: on November 24, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (8)  
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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. lol….life huh?…

  2. I think your instincts are right. When I was reading towards the end of this entry, I started thinking bout a Janet Jackson interview I read years ago about why her “secret” marriage ended. She was somewhere overseas I think and she had a problem with her eye. At first it wasn’t a big deal but then it turned out that it progressively got worse and she was scared and upset and her husband just didn’t care. He was more concerned about something else. Maybe drugs, I don’t know. The point was that he was physically around but not at all there for her. She said it was a wake up call for her. She wasn’t in a good relationship. It had been years. She only could face it when she was really down and out and in need and his behavior and feelings (or lack of feelings) towards her were glaringly obvious. She divorced him shortly after.

    I think when people care, they show they care. He may be a cool guy but obviously from your reaction you need a guy that shows more compassion. Period. You were in distress and this almost first date was a good barometer in my opinion.

    Also, I know the situation was embarrassing and horrible but it was also very entertaining to read 😉

    • Fantastic & thoughtful reply Evan. Thank you. I don’t know why we do that sort of thing to ourselves… Deny something we know deep inside until it finally slaps us in the face. Of course, I would think smashing together the words “secret” and “marriage” in to one phrase would never be a good idea, but I’m sure things were much more complicated ad hazy for the people inside the situation.

    • OH and I’m super glad you found it entertaining!!

  3. Oh. My. God. This is literally my nightmare. You are such a trooper – I would have turned around at the first sign of trouble!

    His reaction is indeed telling. You are a stranger to this man, that is true but having compassion and understanding for your fellow human beings is a very important quality!

    Also, this really made me laugh. You can’t make this stuff up. Reality is stranger than fiction!

    • ok, I am -shining- after reading your post! Thanks a zillion!

  4. I had a time like that. Helping a girl take her cats to the vet (awwwwww!) and it was so early she gave me coffee. It went through me like a bullet train and I barely made it back home. Talk about trying not to look awkward.

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