No One Wants to be June & Ward Cleaver

Nobody is that Fing perfect

This relationship is so easy it’s having a negative side effect: boredom? How can you find everything you want in a partner, and yet be bored and dissatisfied? Why does that happen?

I am someone who believes a relationship must have friction. Gotta have it… just like sex, friction required! I believe it’s those teeth grinding, driving me crazy situations that pull you closer together. They, however, have to walk a fine line because if you get in to irritation overload, it’s NO BUENO.

So, Captain Amazing is blowing up my phone, texting me questions like “What do I say to her? We don’t fight enough? That’s just stupid.”

Ahhhh, how many time have I said Sherry Argov is SO right?.. Men love bitches. Captain Amazing’s girl is totally working on her jealous side. She doesn’t even blink at him being BFFs with me, and talking to other women. Funny thing is, if she let that side be known, they probably wouldn’t be having this issue. Cuz, as much as men might bitch moan and complain about a jealous woman, secretly they love it.

So, what does a girl say to her sexy sad bestie when things are so good that he’s starting to think the grass in greener on the other side? I’m not sure. Everything is so perfect, and yet he’s not feelin’ it. They are just a couple of months in. This is about the time when you start seeing the other persons true self. When people can’t keep up the best behavior much longer and you start seeing the crust.

It takes time to get through the soft sweet middle part and find that crust. If its real love. If you are truly IN love, you’ve got to love all the rough edges and the all broken pieces. I really believe you’ve got to see that person floating in bliss, racked with sobs, and terrified… and when you get through that and you still want to hold them. You still love them and want nothing but to comfort them… You’re there.

See, the problem is two-fold though. Not only must there be that magical thing in there that makes you forgive them and comfort them instead of punch them in the face from sheer irritation.. but the other person also has to let you in and let you SEE that side of them. That other person has to be willing to let you see them vulnerable and flawed… It’s a risk but one that offers a great reward. If all goes well, you are given the prize of acceptance, which is a priceless gift. For some, it’s natural and easy to let someone in. For others it’s impossible, and then there are the billions of us in between.

My advice would be –dig deep. Don’t shy away because you are concerned that it’s too personal or she won’t want to share. When you see a change in her demeanor, ask her about it, don’t ignore it. Don’t wonder about it. Get after it, dig in. And reciprocate, remember what that old Seals and Crofts song says “Darlin’ if you want me to be closer to you… get closer to me.”

“Give it time.” That’s what I did say. It takes time to get to know the real person, and have her reveal her true self. Those insecure parts, sometimes angry parts, and overall human parts. No one wants to be Ward and June Cleaver, and that includes her.

Published in: on November 13, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It’s so surprising to hear a chica speak like this with rational.

    Relationships do need friction.That’s a key insight in the pick-up community that we teach:a guy must incorporate fiction in his relationship innorder to make it last or fun.

    • Surprising? Really? That’s a shame.

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