Bitch In High Gear

 

 

Never let someone bully you into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself

 

I stole this quote off one of my girlfriend’s Facebook pages.  LOVED it and started thinking after reading it that I have been awfully mouthy and intolerant lately.  Basically, I think I’m just tired of getting stepped on.  I first became painfully aware of this thanks to the NY musician. He sort of went off the deep end with the “I adore you”s and junk.. that made me go into overload and back off and eventually tell him NOT to visit.

 

Most recently he saw a Facebook status I posted about taking a big tough guy to a movie and texted me saying something like “thanks a lot. I knew it was something like that. Someone else.”

 

He had already acted like an entitled A-hole… trying to blame me because he bought the stupid bus ticket to visit…. acting like I owed him something and trying every manipulative, or even mean thing he could say to get me to change my mind.

 

When he sent me that text about my Facebook status… I had absolutely HAD IT! I told him I had no desire to explain myself to him and he could assume whatever he wanted. The fact is, I could have been talking about my step-dad or my pastor or frickin’ Santa Claus for all he knows. He didn’t bother to ask, just assumed. PLUS, I made no promises to him… I was very clear “I can’t make any promises. I haven’t seen you in 2 1/2 years.” What part of that statement leads him to believe that he has a right to be jealous even if I was on a date?…  AND I know he’s been out with women since we have been talking.  What a gigantic hairy hypocrite!   I was on a date, and with someone who I have been seeing for like 6 months before he got back in touch. Why the fuck would he think he rates over him? Plus, this guy treats me well.

 

Next he threatened to unfriend me from Facebook so he didn’t have to see those kinds of status updates. I replied “I’m already on it. Thanks.”

 

Later he realized that I had actually blocked him, not just unfriended me and he texted me…

 

NY: Wow. You blocked me? Wtf is your problem? I can’t even search you.

 

Me: Wtf is my problem? Was I not clear that I have had enough of you trying to make me feel bad about… well, just about everything. And maybe I don’t want you searching me.

 

It just went on and on from there. At some point, I finally said I spent all of my childhood being bullied and verbally abused. I didn’t have a choice then, but I do now and I won’t keep someone in my life who doesn’t treat me with respect. I just won’t.

 

It’s the truth, and to add to that… I spent 10 years of my life married to an insensitive, unemotional, inconsiderate, selfish bastard. I have wasted far too much time getting bitched at about where I put my shoes or how often I do the god damn dishes. I have spent too much of my life standing in front of some disapproving man feeling inadequate and bad about myself…. wanting nothing more than to please him but also longing to be myself and feel appreciated. I’m not going to do it anymore.

 

The, last night I lit into my ex-husband when he told me he thought our divorce was a fucking amusement park ride for me. I blew a frickin’ gasget. I’m not gonna lie. He has it SO good. I could have grabbed up my kids and ran out-of-state and into my family’s arms when I left him…. but I didn’t. I thought about what that would be like for him, and stayed in a place where I had nothing and no one. I could have tried to rail him in the divorce and ruin him, but I didn’t. I could have turned in my child support request to the state and gone after him, but I didn’t. I could have refused to sign the child support re-adjustment papers that got him into his house by lowering his debt to income ratio but I didn’t. I could have refused to sign the papers that allow him to pay just $241/ month in child support for both children combined because I know he’s pullin’ down way more money than he’s lettin’ on, but I didn’t.

 

I don’t mind takin’ the high road but I’m tired of being treated like I raped him when I obviously did NOT, and so many other parents have it SOOOO much worse.

 

He, of course, thinks it’s all ok because he said he was playin’. Bullshit. Still not ok.

 

I’m just not going to do it anymore. I’m pretty damn happy throwin’ my shoes where ever I like, and letting the dishes pile up a bit until I’m ready to do them. I’d much rather remain single and unattached than to go through being treated like garbage again. Life is too short.

 

If someone in my life decides they are going to consistently treat me like a bag of trash, then he (or she) can take a hike. I dont’ need that kind of drama bullshit. And most of all, I feel good that I am standing up for myself.

The irony of my current bad mood is that I’ll probably end up meeting someone now.. like someone who might stick around because for whatever reason MEN LOVE BITCHES.   go figure… totally true though.

I say, hang in there daters. Hold out for pretty much everything you ever wanted. It’s out there, and it’s coming your way…. it’ll be worth the wait and keep in mind— no relationship is FAR better than a bad relationship— any day of the week and twice on Sunday!

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Published in: on October 20, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Wow. I am EXACTLY in the same place as you at this moment. My fear, and it’s definitely not unfounded as I notice it happening already, is that I will let the pendulum swing all the way to the other side and be so on the alert for fuckery and bad behavior on the part of a guy that I blow things out of proportion.

    Hope I can get the balance restored soon!

  2. Ya, it’s funny how we go through these phases, isn’t it? Luv your blog, btw! Wish you wrote more often 😉

  3. Glad to see that even though an unfortunate past, you have come around strong and respectful of yourself, well done for getting thus far and feeling better of yourself. If someone is not on your wavelength best to part, there is no time pleasing someone else’s needs.
    Good on you 😉

    • Thanks so much for your comment. I have come a LONG way from where I used to be & it’s been a bumpy road. But, here I am. Ya me! 🙂


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