They Secretly Love It

I miss being in love. I miss having my heart feel like it’s full to bursting. I miss laying my head on someone’s chest. Playing and teasing, arms around me, and cooking together. I miss sex that is fantastic because you have a genuine passion for the other person.

I’ll tell you what got me thinking about this… My ex-boyfriend The Bad Boy Fireman, got engaged. I was so crazy about him. He’s one of my soul mates in this life, and although I couldn’t hang with all the badness… I loved him madly and I still find myself looking for qualities he had and how I felt when we were together.

I’m happy for him but I have to say, his girl… er fiance or whatever, is certainly the epitome of Sherry Argov’s title “Why Men Marry Bitches”. At one point The Bad Boy Fireman came to stay with me after he got out of jail, and he had already fallen in love with her… He talked to me about all kinds of things and I’ve got to say she did not treat him well.

Another thing I noticed was that she is incredibly jealous. Funny… I have read that showing you are jealous only makes the other woman more attractive. Apparently, it also makes you look emotional and slightly unstable. The thing is, I think men secretly love it. They may tell you they don’t like your jealous bone…. but I have seen it more than once. They secretly love it.

I bumped in to The Ambassador of Ambiguity the other day, and he had his non-girlfriend with him. She’s a fabulous thing. She’s super hott with sexy short blond hair, flat tummy and I have to say.. a great ass. She’s probably about 10 years younger than The Ambassador and I and yet, she was SO uncomfortable and kind of angry. In fact, I think I could see the steam coming out her ears as I chatted with him.

When I mentioned it to The Ambassador later he said, “Ya, I thought that was awesome! She’s got to get used to things like that.” Well, I think the first part is true.

I’ve also seen The Collector giggle like a school girl when I subtly showed a bit of my jealous bone in regards to that stupid crazy wine girl. In fact, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.

More and more I realize, there are no rules. I find myself constantly tryint to figure out this thing called love… but the fact is, it’s part magic. You can’t figure it out. Plus, it’s pure emotion. The brain is a logical organ, made for math and science, not romance… You can’t use it to operate in love or you’re going to lose. Believe me, I’ve done it.

Luckily, since my divorce from a man who was a logical choice, I have managed to NOT do anything stupid like marry someone even though I knew it wasn’t working. I could have. I have had two relationships start going down that road, and all I would have had to do was make it work…. but I don’t want to force anything to happen.

I’d rather continue living my life until my magic comes along. It’s working quite well actually. I am making more effort with my girlfriends, and managing to enjoy the men I am talking to without hoping and dreaming of it going anywhere.

I think it’s a little like going to a car show. Let’s say there’s a raffle to win one of the hot rods.. If you go to the show all wound up, hoping and praying you’ll win… obsessing about it, and letting that interfere with you enjoying the event, then chances are you will go home sorely disappointed. If, however, you go with no expectations except to appreciate the gorgeous american heavy metal… You will have an enjoyable experience, and if you win the car.. Fantastic! So, that’s the plan from now on… Enjoy the car show.

And to the magic, I say, you know where to find me. 🙂

Published in: on October 11, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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