Love’s Been a Little Bit Hard on Me

I’m at the point now where I have pretty much given up the search.  (alright, alright, I’ve probably said that before, but I mean it this time.  lol)   I think “it” is just going to have to find me. I will stay out there in the world, meeting people and making friends but I feel like if I just don’t get all hopeful every time I meet a guy I’ll be in better shape.


I’m so tired of the disappointments. I’m tired of the rejection. I’m tired of being intimate with people who seem like they just don’t care. So, friends it is.


I recently even chatted with a guy I’d previously dated for a couple of months. I just dropped him a line on Plenty of Freaks. We went back and forth with one liners… saying things like “I was thinking about how we talked and talked on our first date” and he’d say “is that all you thought about?” I replied “No, I admit I thought about that time at the lake too (we made love on the shore). That was fantastic.”


Back and forth, he agreed and then asked “What now? Should we do something about it?”


I thought for a long time and really, I just don’t want to go down that road right now.  Even the great sex I could be having didn’t sway me. He was a really good lay.  I guess it’s like they say…  The more you get, the more you want (for women anyway) and I haven’t been gettin’ any lately, except for like once in a blue moon and even then it hasn’t been any good.  Yuckkkk.  I’d rather just not have it at all. 

What I put a lot of thought in to was last year when he and I were seeing each other.  I put in a lot of effort to see him and build a connection with him. He lives about an hour and a half away, and I drove to meet him in the middle or drove out to his house. He drove down to see me. It was pretty equal. We took turns or met in the middle every time… but then he just disappeared. Stopped answering texts, and never called me again. I’ve let go of the anger and frustration that followed, but I just don’t want to put myself out there and be vulnerable right now.


I want to drink margaritas with my girlfriends, and work on the projects I’ve started at my house. I want to play with my kids and work on my book project with Captain Amazing. I don’t need to get all excited about somebody and then have it not work out again. Like I said, love’s been a little bit hard on me.


SO, I replied “maybe we be friends”. I just sent the message and haven’t gotten a response yet.


It will happen when it happens. You can’t hurry love.

Published in: on October 2, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (1)  
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  1. Update: it’s been a couple weeks since I sent him that message “maybe we be friends”. Haven’t heard from him since. So, that tells me he was just hopin’ to get laid and hasn’t changed a bit.

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