It’s Times Like These That Make Me Think I -Should- Get Married Again



It’s not romance. It’s not sex or attraction but pure survival. That’s what marriage used to be all about. It wasn’t fairytales, rainbows, and hearts and flowers. It was binding together to survive, and through that love and connection grows. It’s still like that all over the world.


Let me explain the current situation that has got me typing the M word. (I know, although not 4 letters, still a dirty word for many jaded singles) You see readers, The Stalkerish ex-boyfriend is currently in the hospital two states away– by himself. What a nightmare. I’m sure that’s a frightening prospect for many singles. I would hate to be in that spot.


We are very close friends and I’m doing whatever I can from a distance. Posting updates on his facebook to let everyone know what’s going on. Talking on the phone with him and blurting out questions he should ask the medical staff… but I am a thousand miles away or more.


The Stalkerish Ex-boyfriend is 46 years old, never married and recently moved to a place where he thought his buddy would have his back. However, this guy who’s been his “friend” for 30 years and lives in the same house, did not drive him to the emergency room last night nor has he visited him at all.


Not only does The Ex-boyfriend NOT have health insurance but he’s also SO doped up on pain meds he can’t effectively advocate for himself.


There are some things in society that force us to play by someone elses rules, and I believe this is one of them. Gotta be married to be on someone’s health insurance. Also, I suppose a spouse could just as easily bail on you at such a crucial time but there is a lot more social pressure on them. Plus, you have a bond. Even if you are having problems in the marriage, there’s a bond. You have a stake in that person. They have become “MY husband” or “MY wife”.


Also consider, what happens when he gets out of the hospital?? If he’s had abdominal surgery, he’s going to need some help. What’s he going to do then? Who can afford a care facility? Plus, who wants to do that before they are 100 years old? However, for some singles that don’t live near family… they may have to consider something like this if they had a medical emergency.


I can already see he’s being treated drastically different because of his lack of health insurance. I can’t help remembering what Chris Rock says about health insurance in his stand up act… “You better get some health insurance or you goin’ die!” At one point the surgeon came in to talk to him and said “surgery in the morning…” and in the same breath “what kind of work do you do?” So, instead of taking him in to surgery immediately when they know he’s in so much pain they can barely manage it by IV pain meds, they are making him wait until the morning to see if it goes away. That seems ludicris to me, and I’m sure one little laminated card with his name, and a blue cross shield on it would solve the whole thing. The Ex-boyfriend’s situation is further compounded since he is heavily medicated and has no one to advocate for him.


Times like these really make me think about getting married again, and following society’s rules. I know it sounds odd. It’s not romantic or sentimental, but I don’t want to die from lack of quality medical treatment lying on a gurney in a hallway surrounded by other poor bastards in the same predicament.


There is no easy answer. Yes you have got to get married to be on the the health insurance plan, but that doesn’t mean you can’t marry a close friend. Still, that will create problems in any romantic relationships you two might have in the future. I think an arrangement like that would only be temporary.


My current solution, and I would recommend this to all singles…


1. Keep some medical insurance! If your career or job doesn’t provide it, you can often get some bare bones, in case of emergency type coverage for a few hundred bucks a month. It ain’t cheap but it could save your life.


2. Put some serious effort into gathering a support system you. Not only will it help your state of mind, but if something terrible happens you won’t be all alone.


3. Stay close with your family, even if they are out of state. My Mother has come to my rescue more than once. You never know.


That still leaves me thinking, what about the mortgage? Having a partner at home would leave the possibility of someone else pullin’ some overtime to help pay the mortgage while I’m down… Guess I better get some AFLAC. UGH, more insurance! I don’t know if I can afford it, so maybe I’ll just continue taking that risk.


There are so many damn variables. People are messy and unpredictable. They often say one thing and do another. They think they know what they want, and verbalize it but it turns out something totally different draws them in like a magnet. There are no guarentees in life. It’s a crazy, upside down, messed up world, and I think we’re all just doing the best we can.


Published in: on September 29, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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