OVERLOAD Courtesy of the NY Musician

 

I have been talking to The NY Musician everyday…. well, texting several times a day and he is putting a lot of feelings out there. At first I was on board, but he quickly surpassed me.

He has had a crush on me from the very beginning. I gave him a chance once before and it didn’t work out. I just didn’t feel the way he did, but he wasn’t helping. He swears he’s a different person now, and if that is true then I don’t know him at all really.

He knows me, at least what he remembers from a few years ago but I am certain he doesn’t know me well enough to know that I am a perfect match of everything he wants in a partner or to say things like “I adore you. I’m in adore with you. I’d say the other word but that would freak you out.” When he texted that, I replied “yes it would at this point.”

Then I had a freak out day. My head was spinning like a top and thoughts were shooting through it like rounds from an automatic weapon. I told him all about it and decided I needed to stop over thinking things and trying to figure out my entire life THAT day. I needed to just enjoy where we are now and go from there. He agreed… but he didn’t stop. He continued with the constant texting and adoration.

See, although a woman wants to be adored and have a man crazy for her, she desperately wants to feel the same. Not to mention, when he’s rushing ahead this fast it makes me feel like he has this picture of me in his head. What he doesn’t know, his mind is filling in the blanks. It makes me wonder if it really matters WHO the person is. Is he just looking to fill a hole in his life with whatever woman is willing??

He’s constantly telling me I’m perfect and how he wants all the best for me and he wants to give it to me. That’s all very sweet but how do you respond to that when you don’t feel the same. It really made ma want to back off and that is what I did this past weekend. I went and spent some time with friends. I still texted him but verrrry little.

I’m not finding myself saying “I want to get up every morning and think, ‘how can I make this man’s life better?'” or “this is everything I want.”

I told him I think we should see what this is, and THAT is how I feel. There are some issues. Although, he is very sweet, which is what I want… He may be too sweet. My teeth are starting to hurt from all the sweetness. There has to be balance. Balance between honey and manliness. His aesthetic is also very different from min, not to mention his taste in music, movies, and hobbies. He is also in a phase of rebuilding his life after his addiction, and he has a ways to go. He is talking about moving up here, which would be great if I found a partner that lives hours away. However, there’s no work here. Also, I’m sure his license is suspended and I’m sure in a big spread out place like this, with minimal mass transit. How is he going to get around? He’s in a completely lousy job right now that in no way pays him enough to save anything.

Am I supposed to just carry him until he gets on his feet? Am I supposed to buy groceries and feed him when I am already really tight with finances just trying to pay my mortgage? How fair is that. Am I supposed to let him crash on my couch once he gets out of jail for his previous DUI arrests which he totally neglected? Wellllll, I don’t wanna!

I don’t want one of these Alpha males that is in charge of every damn thing at work and at home, but at the same time those things are important to me.

So, I don’t know what’s going to happen but he will be here in less than two weeks, and he better learn to “hold on loosely” or lose me forever.

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Published in: on September 22, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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