Words Are Powerful, But Actions Speak Volumes

The last thing I heard was “she’s gone bat shit crazy on me”. The Wine Girl. Oh, The Wine Girl.

So, when The Ramblin’ Man and I went wine tasting, at one particular winery there was a girl who was obviously flirting with him. Kinda screwed up since I was right there… Stupid bitch. I hate girls like that. Anyway, she found out what he does for a living and turned herself, well the winery anyway, into a potential client. So, The Ramblin’ Man gave her his card.

After we left there we talked about The Wine Girl. The Ramblin’ Man said he thought maybe she was flirting with him. I said “uh, do ya think? it was SO obvious.” He kept asking if I was jealous.. which I was not. He was quite surprised at my lack of an emotional reaction.

For me, I still have my protective shield up with The Ramblin’ Man. It’s been there ever since his “I’m not ready for any kind of committment” email. So, I was looking at it from a logical perspective. He remarked that I seemed as if I could take it or leave it.

I paused and then told him everything I found wonderful about him. He is truly an extraordinary person. In this world there are mounds and mounds of ordinary people, once in a while I meet someone who really is extraordinary. They shine in a crowd of people. Whether it be their personality, intellect, or their aura… It might be something sort of extreme about them, or just how I felt when first having met them.

He is one of those shining stars. He’s caring, hard-working, crazy smart, and considerate. Not to mention HI-larious, handsome, strong, and protective… all those things. I told him that, which also seemed to shock him, and then I said “but I want to be with someone who thinks I’m beautiful and amazing…”

“I think you’re beautiful and amazing” he interjected.

“I’m enough. I am who I am, and that’s enough. So if you want to go chase wine girl, have at it.”

Sure enough, he chased wine girl. I’m not super pleased about that. I’m pretty sure he slept with her too because she was suddenly acting like an obsessed pre-teen. He once got back from a class at the gym to find 17 text messages and a missed call from her… and she knew where he was! I recognize that kind of behavior. I may have come across that way a time or two in my life… but mostly I know women, because I am one.

So, at that point he proceeds to tell me how much he appreciates me being so cool. “Damn it!” I thought. I had prepared a whole speech to bitch him out for being so inattentive. Instead, I let it drop thinking he was getting what he deserved with the crazy ass wine girl.

Still, there has been no improvement since that conversation. In fact, he is still seeing The Crazy Wine Girl. I don’t understand it. He seems to have solid boundaries, and from all he’s told me, she isn’t even a nice person. He is though, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings… but maybe it’s more than that.

I have barely heard from him. It’s been a month and a half since the wine tasting trip. I felt like we really made a lot of forward motion getting to know each other on that trip, and then it just stopped. In fact, it didn’t just stop, I feel like we even went backwards. We just aren’t connecting like I hoped we would. I don’t even really feel like we are friends. I don’t need a committment, but I DO need some kind of connection.

He is coming down my way to go camping this coming weekend and I’ll be driving over to the campground to see him. When he was talking about getting down here to see me, he didn’t say “I really want to see you”. He said things like “I’ve got to get down there. I’ve got to find time to come and see you.”

I’m a writer. I believe words are powerful things… I know they are. I have seen them work. I also think they can give you away. Whatever you’re feeling… whatever you’re thinking comes through in your words, in one way or another. In this case, I can hear The Ramblin’ Man loud and clear.

Actions can also give you away, because as much as you try to align your actions with what you think is right… they’ll portray your emotions in the places you don’t think about.

The Ramblin’ Man posted pictures of his trip with The Wine Girl this week on his Facebook. He never posted pics of our trip, and don’t go trying to say maybe there weren’t any he liked, etc.. because I am a very talented photographer. There are gorgeous pictures. He downloaded them and emailed them to me, so I know they are on his computer.

He probably didn’t even think twice about this action, but I think it speaks volumes. We all invest our time, money and effort in things that mean something to us.

I think I’m done with -whatever this was. It’s sad, he really makes me laugh and what a phenomenal person but I don’t like where this is going. It’s not fun for me. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel special, and I deserve better.

So, I’m going to break it to the Ramblin’ Man when I see him. He’ll probably shrug it off and then I’ll be out of sight, out of mind. (It’s pretty much there already). Of course there is a chance that he’ll come around and afterwards realize he actually WANTS to see me, but I’d say the chances are slim. I’m definitely NOT the High Maintenance blond pain in the ass he goes crazy for. He could surprise me though. I mean, I guess anything can happen. This whole situation is a little sad but still fine…. Neither of us is really getting what we need from the other. Hopefully we’ll remain friends. I always try to hang on to the shining stars.

Published in: on September 11, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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