Why So Many Dating Levels???

I am someone who likes to know where I stand. I define, and label and categorize…that’s just the way I see the world. That’s who I am and how I feel safe and secure in the world. This side of my personality makes dating SO these days incredibly frustrating.

I can NOT understand why there are so many different “levels” (for lack of a better word) in dating. Here are some of the levels I’ve heard during my adventures in dating…

Hooking Up

Just Friends

Friends with benefits

Talking

Seeing

Dating

Dating other people but exclusively sleeping with just the one person

Exclusive

In a Relationship

People are so spoiled these days. It seems to me that there are all these different levels because no one wants to commit to anything. Everyone, well men if you ask me, want to keep their options open and women let them get away with it.

It also seems like some are seeking companionship, and/or sex to quell the sting of loneliness but are still out there looking for something better. The thought of being THAT girl, that distraction while a guy continues looking for something better, is horrifying to me… unless I am doing the same. Isn’t that terrible?

It’s like having someone say to you “You’re good enough to sleep with once in a while, but I don’t want to give up my search for “the one”. I mean, what if I just happen to be in a situation where something hott is put right in front of me. At least if I refuse to commit then I can justify my behavior and not feel bad about it.”

Look, if she’s good enough to sleep with then why not just give it a shot? Either you’re going to be deliriously happy, or you’re going to get to a moment where you realize this just isn’t going to work. So why not just go for it, see where it leads? If it just isn’t going to work then break it off and look for another.

Let me answer my own question, the truth is sometimes a situation is just recreation even though you know she or he is NOT the one. I will also say that in this life it’s all perception. It’s all the way you look at things.

You can also look at it like, people need time to get to know each other…

Or, in my case with The Ramblin’ Man and The Ambassador of Ambiguity, I just really dig being around them. They both crack me up and I have a great time with them. I’m glad to know them, and I’d want them in my life even if there was absolutely no chance of anything romantic ever. Just because it may not end in marriage or a committed relationship… does that mean it was a waste of my time? Certainly not! They are intense, intelligent, driven exceptional men. My life is enriched by having them in it and I think that’s enough.

My whole romantic situation will happen when it happens. I don’t know where or when but I’m just going to give it to God.

From what I’ve seen, dating just one person isn’t the norm anymore. Seems like everyone is splashing around in the multiple dating pool. I feel like I am just trying to survive swimming with the piranhas.. I have to admit, though, I am not completely innocent. I keep my options open too. I muti-date for many reasons. One is that I don’t want to have to start over getting to know someone new if one particular situation doesn’t work out. I hate the stupid boring drought in between.

I also hate the rules, when I can figure out what they are. I don’t want to be in a piranha tank! In fact, from now on I am going to make up the rules as I go along. I’m going to play by my own rules.

Maybe next time I find a fantastic guy I’ll start out by letting him know, “If you want to be with me… then it’s just you and me baby! If that’s not good enough for you, then just keep walkin’.” Ok, I haven’t totally decided on that one. Maybe I don’t want that. lol

I will say I fully intend to take Sherry Argov’s advice. I just finished reading her New York Times Best Seller “Why Men Marry Bitches.” I’m so impressed! I can see tips working when I use it, and all around me. I’ll give you an example… She tells readers not to just give themselves over and she emphasises how important it is for a man to chase.

Ever notice that in classic love stories like “When Harry Met Sally” and “The Notebook” (l believe life inspires art, so don’t go telling me “oh that’s just a movie”) the girl never walks right into the relationship. In both of those stories the leading woman at first refused the date from the leading man. She resisted and made him give chase. I love it!

Not only does it work, but it gives more value to the woman. What a great foundation to begin a relationship on. I believe it’s just too easy for men in our society to start treating his woman with disrespect and taking her for granted. So, I say, start correct right from the beginning! You see, I am a happy woman. I have a life packed full of friends, pets, work, and kids. I have my house and my projects. I go along just fine… more than fine.. I’m happy. I feel great about myself. I’m fantastic and I enjoy my own company and I don’t want to get in to a relationship, get a little lost and end up spending time with a man that interferes with the way I see myself.

I have been in plenty of relationships. I’ve been married twice, and I have spent years fighting to keep my head about water feeling good about myself while a man keeps stretching his arm out and pushing my head under… for whatever reason. I don’t need that crap.

I have been in a relationship where someone has done his damnedest to mold me into a different shape and hard as I fight, if it eventually happens… He’s then dissatisfied. Don’t need that either.

I am that woman she talks about… that confident, smart, happy bitch of a woman… but I have my demons just like anyone. I do find that, for some reason, when I find a man I like I get all nice and stuff. I start being overly considerate of him and his feelings… I really have to keep myself in check.

This, I believe, is the key area I need to work on with my personal growth so that when I do find that guy and it’s mutual and it’s amazing…. Things will all go smoothly. OR ya know, as smoothly as a relationship can go without being a total snore.

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Published in: on August 18, 2011 at 9:00 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This was a good read! Thanks.

    • Well, thank you! All compliments soaked up and greatly appreciated!


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