Flowering It Up and Dumbing It Down

“Flowering it up” is what Sherry Argov in her book “Why Men Marry Bitches” calls it when a man will, sort of, manipulate a woman into thinking a relationship is going somewhere so she’ll stay around. It’s a way a man can retain the status quo in a relationship that has no forward motion.


“Dumbing it down” is my phrase for when a woman makes it seem to a man that she doesn’t expect anything of him when the truth is, she’s got him right where she wants him.


These terms seem sort of dishonest and distasteful, but the truth is people do it. It’s just life, like it or not.


For example, The Ramblin’ Man flowers it up for me. In February he broke off his engagement with a woman who he feels completely took advantage of him. He’s just not in a head space to commit to anyone right now. I get that. I’ve seen it in him, and he was completely up front with me before we met in person. However, The Ramblin’ Man is considerate and I believe that’s where him say “who knows what will happen” comes from. I’m ok with that. I have no misconceptions about what’s going on between me and The Ramblin’ Man. We respect each other. We enjoy each others touch, and company. We have some experiences and places in common. Honestly, I think that’s about it.


The “dumbing it down” I see happening right now is a whole different story though. Oh, yes it’s The Ambassador and The Sneaky Bitch I’m talking about. He has stated many times that every time they get together The Sneaky Bitch repeats that they are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend, they are just seeing each other.


Here’s what I see though… This girl knows how to play the game. She knew just what to do to get him in to bed, which in turn makes him start to feel emotionally involved. The Ambassador now feels like this is a real relationship, but The Sneaky Bitch knows The Ambassador is scared after his previous train wreck of a relationship. SO, what does she do? She takes allll the pressure off. She tells him she doesn’t want a commitment but of course for health and safety purposes she wants to know that he’s not sleeping with anyone else, and he wants the same.


They’re “seeing each other”. This is how they are defining it. The Ambassador always makes sure to let me know that they are NOT girlfriend/ boyfriend. They are NOT dating. ( I swear I’m going to start saying “whaaatever” when he says that. Is he kidding himself?) They’re just seeing each other. However, she is constantly flappin’ her lips with jealousy… mostly about me. (more about that later) And what does he do? He’s doesn’t slam on the breaks and tell her it’s none of her business.. He reassured her like a good boyfriend should.


She’s gotten him to promise not to sleep with anyone else. Neither of them is dating anyone else. See, what she’s got herself is a committed exclusive relationship, in disguise.


The difference here is… I see exactly what’s going on. I have no misconceptions about my involvement with The Ramblin’ Man.  I figure it will be what it will be.  Whatever the outcome, it won’t crush me.  I’m happy in my life with or without him.   The Ambassador, on the other hand, seems to have no idea. If you ask me, that’s a recipe for a hott mess. Just call it what it is, and deal with the reality of it.

Published in: on August 16, 2011 at 9:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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