The Crusade NOT To Call

I am having a bitch of a time not contacting The Ambassador of Ambiguity. I decided that I would just withdraw some and get busy again with my own pursuits again— instead of having the giant showdown I typed up in my last post.

I have been pouring over “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I think this may be the case with the Ambassador. I’m still not totally sure though. He has done some pretty “into me” stuff like bringing me dinner at work two different times, helping me load up his truck and drive a bunch of my junk to the dump, and being there for me when I found my cat dead… However, I am also thinking that 2 months is LONG ENOUGH. I know enough… why doesn’t he?

I think the reason he’s not kissing me or touching me (other than the occasional snuggle during a movie) or trying to sex me up is because to him, the would mean we were in a real relationship and for whatever reason, he’s just not sure he wants to do that with me. Well, I’m not going to just wait around worrying about what he thinks and not getting what I want.

Maybe I am just being an impatient bitch, I mean he did tell me right from the start that he was taking it slow.

Whatever (sassy eye roll and head shake). I need to back off so I don’t REALLY get hurt because I can see that comin’ if I continue down this road. I don’t, however, want to pull a Houdini on him. I want to back up a bit and see if he’ll chase me… because men love the chase.

This fact, that men love the chase and have to work for something and invest in it in order to value it (and this includes women) is a complete mystery to me. I don’t think a man will ever admit this. I have listened to men complain so much about how much they poured out for thier ex-girlfriends and how they feel used and blah blah blah.. But if you just refuse to play games and be genuine.. for instance, “I like you. I want to see you.” then they don’t appreciate you.

This kind of genuine attitude, I’ve decided, is what I’m doing wrong. I am not playing the game. I can see this having been an issue with several guys I’ve dated. Captain Amazing Adventurer being one of them. I really think that’s how I keep landing in the friend zone. I was making WAY too much effort. I didn’t make him chase me and I think that is just in a man’s nature to need to do that. He kept talking about how he wanted someone thoughtful. So, being the pleaser that I am, I try to give him what he wants. I plan a date, bring a house warming gift and what does he say? I want to find “someone thoughtful, someone like you.” Someone LIKE me? I’m right here! Ahhh forget it. He’s my bestie and a fantastic individual but if he’s just not that in to me… what can I really do about that?? Nothing. Move along– NEXT!

This book…”He’s Just Not That Into You” is sometimes difficult to read because it seems like EVERYONE is just not that into me. Well, except my stalkerish ex-boyfriend but I will NEVER go there again. Then again, I think –you only need one. Just ONE guy that thinks I’m incredible and is excited about me.. provided the feeling is mutual. Just need one.

Haven’t heard much from The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man in the last week. Last time we chatted, I called him. Yesterday he sent me a 3 word facebook message making fun of my name. I replied with a sassy “oh no you didn’t Senior Incommunicato” and then “how was your stay at home weekend?” and nothing in return. I’m about to call him and ask what’s going. He’ll probably just say he’s been busy (but I know… from my author friends that ‘busy’ is a bullshit excuse). I’m thinking I just haven’t been on his mind, but if he’s seeing someone else pretty regular I should probably know. My intuition is telling me I won’t be driving up there to visit him again soon… or maybe ever. Who knows.

So, I have been considering re-posting my profile on Plenty of Freaks. I haven’t done it yet. I did however go on there and browse. I saw an interesting profile, and added him to my favorites, which prompted him to message me. I’ll be meeting him for coffee tomorrow. He’s 47 and not bad looking. He’s active and in pretty decent shape with a career that will let him land wherever his heart takes him. He sounds interesting. I really liked his profile. I love that he said something like “I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. When I make a mistake, I own it.” I’ll bet he’s an alpha though. That’s just impression I’ve got so far. I think he may be in real estate. He makes me think of the Super Sexy Mr. Cool.

I’ll let you know how it goes………

Published in: on July 27, 2011 at 8:12 am  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. NOT calling someone takes up more time and effort than just calling them. Who knew that not doing something could be so all-consuming?!

    • I know. Damn you, internal dialog! If I could just shut off my fast movin’ slightly obsessive brain it would be much easier.

      • Oh yes… I have also been blessed with the slightly obsessive, as fast as a NASCAR winner type brain! Damn you internal dialogue!

  2. I have been wrestling with this so much lately. On one hand, I hate playing “the game” and just want to be honest and open with the men I’m dating. As in, hey – I like you. But on the other hand, this approach has NOT been working for me. So what’s a girl to do? Strap on the helmet, the kneepads and get ready to play I guess.

    This book has helped me cope with this unnatural state of being. I find it’s less harsh as HJNTIY:

    • OMG monogomist, I could have written that exact comment myself! I HATE playing games and have been told I am quite different. The Ramblin’ Man explained in detail.

      I keep going back and forth… ok, I’ll play the game…. but I can’t keep up the BS. It’s too much work! So, I’ll just keeping genuine no nonsense me.

      and thanks for the amazon link. I need to get that book. I have just been putting off ordering it for no particular reason… I will say, however, even though HJNTIY can be helpful… I think it’s a giant over simplification.

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