I Feel Like I Need To Choose

SO, go figure.. After all the ridiculous dates.. A dude who is obsessed with shoes, and a stalkerish ex-boyfriend, the guy with the tattoo on his junk.. and I meet two fantastic men at pretty much the same time.

The other day I bailed on the Red Hott Ramblin’ Man because Mr. Hard Body asked if I wanted to hang out and I didn’t want to tell him that I had plans to go see The Ramblin’ Man and stay the night with him. So, I blew The Ramblin’ Man off with a lie about having to work and cover a shift for a co-worker. I HATE that. I HATE lying but I didn’t know what else to do. I really feel like I need to choose.

I hung out and watched a movie with Mr. Hard Body. We snuggled up on the couch, which is the closest we’ve ever been but he still didn’t try to kiss me. I could imagine it though. I have a crazy huge crush on him and after all this time and no kissing, no nookie… I would have been SO full of passion! I could see it in my mind. BUT nope. No kissing or anything. Then, after that, he continued with his push pull behavior.

I’ve got The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man, and Mr. Hard Body. They are both ambitious, with fantastic careers. They are both funny and sweet and sentimental. They are both interested in ME.. in me, not just getting laid. They are both active, and intriguing.

The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man an alpha male with a life that looks as though he’s never made a mistake. He lifts weights… He’s got red hair. (Man, I’ve got it BAD for the red-heads). He’s incredibly smart and affectionate. We have much in common but he lives an hour and a half away! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that far away. I know people that drive that far to and from work everyday, but between work and kids it’s really hard to find time. He’s definitely I’ve got my hands full!)Totally worth the drive and the effort but he’s also coming out of a bad relationship and not ready for any kind of committment for probably about 6 months.

Mr. Hard Body has led a life with mistakes. He’s a recovered alcoholic who has made mistakes but turned his life around. (I’m also a sucker for the bad boy gone good) I see him or hear from him everyday. He’s my truck man and not afraid to get his hands dirty and help me move. I’m comfortable enough to ask him for help and he has spent many nights drinkin’ coffee in the kitchen just chatting.

Mr. Hard Body has also met my kids and even hung around them a time or two. He’s SO good with them. He teaches them, and teases them. They really seem to like him and he get’s my crazy schedule because he’s got a schedule like that too.

He lives around the corner and he’s someone I can have fun with just doing the most mundane everyday tasks (this is VERY important to me)… However, he still hasn’t made a move. We are friends and he has never once tried to kiss me or hold my hand. He’s also coming out of a bad relationship and trying like hell to heal.

They are both pretty non-judgmental… and I don’t want to hurt either one of them.

The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man told me that he’s hidden his online dating profile (so have i. Mr. Hard Body hasn’t. I don’t really know what he feels about me. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even attracted to me.

The Ramblin’ Man was SO understanding and SO sweet about me bailing on our overnight. He said he had “manscaped” and bought the food he was planning to cook. I had planned to have on something sexy when he got home and he said “Grrrr– I REALLY want that cookie!”  He was also going to leave me a key to his place… which I think is a big thing for him because he said he is going to trust me not to f*** up his place. lol.

The Red Hott Ramblin’ man has started inviting me to bonfires with his friends and weekend trips. Although Mr. Hard Body seems like everything I’ve been looking for, he is still doing the push-pull and he isn’t really giving me the affirmation I need. I’m not sure how he feels about me.

I feel like I need to make a choice. Things are getting sort of awkward trying to see them both. I wonder if The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man considers us exclusive, as an Alpha Male he doesn’t like to share and I’m now getting the impression that he isn’t seeing anyone else. He did say, however, he’s not ready for any kind of committment.

I have prayed and prayed on this. (you may think me odd, since I have this religious /spiritual side to me yet don’t have a problem with pre-marital sex like most christians do… but what can I say? That’s me.) I prayed, and the answer I seem to keep getting is “just don’t do anything”.

So, here I am returning to the place where I am saying “I’m not going to manipulate the situation or try to make anything happen. I’m just going to let it happen on its own.”

My plans are currently to take a trip for several days with The Red Hott Ramblin’ man. That will be the weekend of the 16th. I’ve already told him I’m in. Not sure what I am going to tell Mr. Hard Body, if I have to tell him anything at all. Lie? again??

I can’t continue to bail on The Red Hott Ramblin’ Man. I know I have got to be looking a little flaky at this point as I bailed one date, then showed up late to another, then bailed again. He’s been SO sweet and understanding. I won’t do it again.

So….. what do you think, readers?? Weigh in and let me know!

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Published in: on July 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm  Leave a Comment  
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