A Gray Day

I woke up this morning with like a gray cloud hanging over my head.  It’s the wierdest thing.  I just can’t shake it.  I feel super bummed… just SAD really.  There doesn’t seem to be any particular reason why, but little things are bugging me.  Today seems to be a day when I am having to force myself to try to look at the wonderful things in my life.  I’m usually NOT that way at all. 

I don’t know if it’s hormones or being on overload after several incredibly busy weeks.  I had a real inner struggle last night. I had made plans with the MMA fighter weeks ago.. Thinking I was clear since my ex husband was VERY clear that he would NOT change the days he has the children.  Sunday is his day and even though I am off work, that means he’d have them.

Well, yesterday at the last-minute he says “let me know if you want to have the kids longer or overnight”.  I was so angry.   WHY at the last-minute??  Then the kids come home and my daughter is trying everything to cry, cajole, convince or otherwise manipulate me into changing my plans and as she put it “spending every second of every minute of that day” with her. 

Does it make me a bad Mom that I was looking forward to a day when I didn’t have to work and didn’t have the children?  Why do I feel guilty because I want to do something for myself?

So, I went to bed with this on my mind.  By that time I was absolutely determined to NOT change my plans since my daughter was just having a fit about it and I don’t want to reward that kind of behavior.  Maybe that’s why I woke up with the gray cloud over my head.

I was supposed to meet the MMA Fighter at 6 but his dinner with his Mom is running long, so he’ll be about an hour late, he’s thinking.

I’m still sad, and a little irritated by that, but the truth is, it isn’t taking much to make me grind my teeth today.  I bailed on the scavenger hunt idea, since I had to clean my house to make it presentable to anyone and I just didn’t have time.  Plus, today I just don’t have the motivation to do it.  Now I’m wondering if he’ll even  be hungry.

Hopefully hopefully hopefully we will have some fun and a lot of laughs… maybe some drinks… that might help.  I really could use a drink.  *sigh*

Well, back to finishing up the house.  Dishes waiting in the sink.  yuck!  I hate dishes.

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Published in: on May 9, 2011 at 12:14 am  Leave a Comment  
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