B-T-N on the way O-U-T?

It looks like Captain Amazing may be on the verge of getting rid of his BTN (better than nothing) relationship.  Susan Page, author of my current literary obsession “If I’m So Wonderful, Why am I Still Single?” describes a BTN as a “nice” relationship with the wrong person. 

Captain Amazing’s 21 year old girlfriend refuses to trust him again after the debacle that ended their relationship before.  Not even an episode of cheating, just miscommunication really.  She loves him deeply but will not trust him.  Everyday she punishes him for that past issue.  She tears open the wound and won’t let it heal.  She doesn’t appreciate what she has in him and my only explanation is that she has no life experience and nothing to compare him to… so she doesn’t see what a rare and magnificent gem he truly is.

He loves her.  He truly loves her but he also appreciates the company and having someone close by.  I’ve also noticed that she seems to have plenty of time to spend with him and I’m sure that’s important to him as well….  and don’t forget the crazy sex!

She loves him madly but she’s also squashing some of his most beautiful qualities.  He’s amazing with people and relationships, yet she wants to cut off all his friendships except those she’s comfortable with.  He’s adventurous and active, but she’s sort of a couch potato and wants to every spare moment he has. 

She is apparently also scared to meet his son.  His beautiful, playful, just like Daddy little four year old son.   It’s too bad too, because he’s an amazing Dad… and I can only imagine what an incredible thing it would be to see them together.  

Tonight during a conversation she even used the word “terrifying” when they were discussing her ever becoming a step-mom.   Terrifying?  Really??  What is so terrifying about loving a child, and getting the honor of being a part of his life.  How can she NOT want to meet him and hug him and squeeze him and play with him if she loves his Dad?  Children are a beautiful little piece of us that has broken off and formed into his or her own person.  If you are in love with a man, how can you not cherish his children? 

I don’t understand this but I have to admit I have heard these same things from one of my ex-boyfriends.  Terrified defiantly would have been the right word for him.  He also didn’t want to meet the children for a long time and even said that he had been told being a step parent was the worst thing in the world.

That’s horrible!  How can it be the worst thing in the world?  You are not the child’s parent and yet you get to share all the beautiful parental things and the bonding that comes with the not so beautiful things.  How is that so terrible?

I once knew a man who’s girlfriend had told him she would NEVER love his son.  EVER.  I just don’t even know where to start with a comment like that.  How can that possibly be?!

So, lets bring this post back around to Captain Amazing’s BTN relationship.  It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through when you know she’s not the one. 

If I were going to have a BTN, I’d say it would be with someone like the steamy Harley riding 22 year old that just came around when I had the time.  I wasn’t in love with him, not even close, but he wasn’t a hassle.  I had plenty of time to continue to look for “the one”, because he didn’t really give a crap what I did.   I also had someone to go out, or stay in with.  We both knew we weren’t the other person’s “Wow”.  He wasn’t looking for anything serious, so it would have worked out well as a BTN.   But, I’m not really a fan of BTNs.  They just take up the time and energy I could be using to find a soul mate, and partner who will be with me hopefully for the rest of my life. 

BTNs also chip away at my confidence and self esteem… making me feel like I’ll never find what I’m looking for.  It also drives me to see myself through my partner’s eyes, and if this is a BTN chances are he doesn’t think I hung the moon.  So that’s no good. 

I hope Captain Amazing finds what he’s looking for.  

I have to admit that the phrase “why aren’t WE together?” has ran through my head an awful lot tonight and here is the conclusion I came to.  First of all, I don’t want to be THAT girl… you know the one he’s treading water with until something better comes along. 

 I don’t want him to suddenly feel like he can’t speak openly with me,  and mostly I don’t want to destroy what we have.   What Captain Amazing and I have is phenominal, inexplicable, rare and special.  If we gave it a try and it didn’t work out…. things would change.  I don’t know if I’d be able to listen to him talk about other women again, because I’m sure it would really sting after that.  It’s a HUGE risk.  Plus, I don’t think I’m his WOW.

I feel pretty WOWed.  It didn’t happen instantaneously like I expected it to… It’s been fantastic over the last three months.  He is my best and closest friend and we have a rapport that is absolute magic.  I can tell him anything and I know he’ll still love me.  He knows how much he means to me as well..   but he wants it ALL and if I’m anything less than that to him, then I think I would prefer to remain just friends.  

I do have to admit however, I’m definitely looking for someone like him.  Someone I can share every detail with.  Someone who thinks I’m incredibly talented and wants to read what I write.  Someone who wants to take on a project with me because of that talent.  A man who can calm me when I’m losing it.  A man who cherishes having me in his life.    A man who sees me through an even more positive light than I see myself… and loves that I jump in with both feet… that I take risks and put my heart out there.  Ya, all that.  🙂

Published in: on April 3, 2011 at 3:03 am  Leave a Comment  
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