Dinner Date with The Hunky Mechanic

I spent the day preparing, and cleaning.  I bought salmon, salad, and garlic bread for dinner.  I made sure to pick up some refills for my glade scented plug ins because I know he loves that kind of thing.  Picked up a few more scented candles.

I stopped by his shop and got my oil changed.   I stuck around for a while, and he seemed to appreciate the company but still no hands on.

I got home and lit up all the candles…  I bathed, and shaved… hair perfect, make-up flawless.  Went through about 10 outfits and finally found something that was the perfect mix of nice but casual and comfy.

I still didn’t hear much from him throughout the day, except when I stopped into his shop.  I’m starting to feel like I’m chasing him and I HATE that feeling.  So, I just stopped.  I’m tired of sending him long messages and getting a stupid two word reply.  Last time I sent him a three page message about my work drama and he texted back “stay positive”.  What?!  That’s it?  ugh!!!!  So, I just stopped.

I cut and cooked and even put together a fruity strawberry shortcake dessert because I know he loves dessert.  6:30pm finally came and he walked through the door.  I finished up putting dinner together and on platters, setting it out on the table.  Presentation is one of my favorite things about cooking and it looked fabulous.  I also cook healthy stuff.  The Mechanic doesn’t cook that way.  He likes what he calls “Oakie Food”… Fried fish or fried whatever, and things like beans and ham-hock and terrible things like that.  I can feel my arteries closing up as he talks about it. 

I’m also not a “Foodie”.  I’m just not.  Being in the kitchen doesn’t excite me that way.  I do enjoy cooking and find it relaxing but that’s about it.  Cooking is more than that for him… It’s somehow connected to his self esteem, I’ve noticed.  I was thinking back to when we were together before and I don’t think I ever cooked for him.  He always did the cooking.  We always stayed at his house, etc.  You get the picture.

So, we sit and make small talk over dinner.  Then he is very helpful cleaning up and finally sits down on the couch.  I offer to order pay per view but he declines and starts to watch an episode of NCIS.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love NCIS but this is the routine we were in last time.  Over and over again we came home from work, made dinner and small talk then watched TV until it was time to go to bed.  I feel like a senior citizen with that kind of routine. 

Plus, I also noticed that we never talked about anything important.  At least, it didn’t seem like we ever talked about anything that really meant something to us.  It’s hard to explain.

The point is, tonight was just the same.  I sat next to him kind of cuddled up on the couch but I’m sure it was only because I initiated the cuddling.  He never made a move to kiss me or anything like that.  At 9pm he started talking about heading home.  9pm!  What are we like 100 years old?  I finally had a night without the kids and I’d went to all this trouble and it was just unremarkable. 

He hugs me and gives me a quick peck as he heads out the door.  A really quick peck… it was so fast that I didn’t have a chance to even kiss back.  Then he walked out the door and I was so stinkin’ ANGRY!  I was SO mad.  How did I end up here AGAIN?!  Struggling with not feeling appreciated or special and staring down the “now I have to break up with him” road again. 

He’s nice and has never said a harsh word to me but I just feel like he is completely disinterested!  Like he’s bored.  It doesn’t seem like I flip his switch!  How can that be?  I’m a completely amazing and super sexy woman.  I want to be with someone who thinks I’m fantastic and beautiful and lets me know ALL the time what I mean to him. 

I am so angry and frustrated that I have ended up in this position again, and at him for wasting my time.  If he’s not excited about me then why did he even ask me out again?  He SAYS he’s excited but I don’t see it in any way shape or form.  Plus, it seems we really don’t have much in common at all.  I don’t want to fall in to that pattern of cooking and watching dinner in front of the TV.  No thanks!  I don’t want to burn up the years doing that!  He is a very outdoorsy person when he does get out, and kind of a red neck.  He goes 4-wheelin and deer hunting and stuff.  I swear, if I have to hear one more story about shooting Bambi and mounting his head on a wall my head might explode! 

I am an active person!  I want to go out and really live!  Have unique adventures and be in the world… not in the woods.  I write and love music and all sorts of creative type things.  I know we just aren’t a match, but I told him I was in…  SO, I thought about it a long time… sent a rant to my bestie.. and then texted the Mechanic simply asking why he didn’t give me a long kiss when he left and asking if he had changed his mind.  He said “no. not at all..  just feeling things out a lil.”  Feeling things out, huh?  Well, he certainly wasn’t feeling things up!

It felt SO awkward.  I felt like I was asking for something totally unreasonable, but in the name of communication I went ahead anyway and told him “I’m a very  affectionate person.  I need lots of kisses, touches, hugs and compliments.  He replied “I know.  I will”

I don’t think so.  I think it just seems to make sense.  We are both good people who live in the same small town but we don’t connect!  We don’t connect!

So now I’m sitting here wondering if I should hang in there or bail… and he looked at my car and wouldn’t let me pay him for it so now I feel all weird and obligated about it.  Damn it! 

I would say I need to give it time, but I gave it enough time last time…   I gave it so much time that things started to get serious and I knew I had to get out.  I don’t want to be in that kind of relationship. 

I want to be with someone that makes me want to say “I love who I am when I am with you.  You make my life so much better!”….  and sadly… it’s pretty obvious to me that The Mechanic isn’t that one.

Why is it so difficult to find someone you really connect with??

Published in: on April 2, 2011 at 10:28 pm  Leave a Comment  
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