Let Your Freak Flag Fly

I had a fantastic pedicure this past week.  Not because of the relaxation factor, but because I was pretty much conducting an informal interview with Delilah the Sweet.

Delilah is a sweet, warm, accepting soul.  More so than I am, even, and sometimes girls like us can be freak magnets.  They come out of the woodwork to find us.  Delilah and I chatted about all kinds of dating fiascos but what really grabbed my attention were the freaks she spoke of from throughout her years of singledom.

Now, I have known my share of freaky deakies but Delilah has me beat by far.  Though I had met the Sultan of Shoes, she dated a guy with a real live foot fetish, like we are talking he can’t climax without at some point putting her feet into his mouth!  Can NOT.  Although, Delilah likes feet, she says as she performs my pedicure, she’s not crazy about people fondling her feet, especially in such a sexual way.  So, her foot fetish man was shown to the door.

It only gets more bizarre from there…  There was the Momma’s boy to the max.  He was conservative and inexperienced.  They both were in fact, just teenagers when they met.  Still, he had an abnormal fixation with his mother, calling her and discussing every facet of their budding sex life. 

The day that sent her over the edge was when he was just about in tears after she asked him to touch her breasts.  Now, Delilah has big beautiful breasts and I don’t know how she ended up with a dude that didn’t want to put his hands all over them, but it happened. 

The day she asked for a little grab was the day he left the room and picked up the phone once again.  Delilah quietly sneaked to the door and heard him on the edge of tears telling his MOTHER that she had asked him to fondle her boobs.  She covered her mouth, barely holding back the laughter as she gathered her clothes and said good-bye. 

Delilah and her Mom are actually extremely close but even then she didn’t give her mother explicit details and she certainly was never pushed to tears by a request in the boudoir.  HA!

The one that really put me at a loss for words was the story she told of the guy that wanted her to take a really cold shower before climbing into bed…  She agreed thinking “ummm what are we doing?” but showered anyway.

As she scrambled back into the room and into bed freezing, he began to tell her to try not to breath, or breath as lightly as she possibly could.  “Try not to move at all” he said.  She finally squinted at him and said “um, are you into dead people?”

“It’s just a fantasy!” he snapped defensively. 

“Uh, I gotta go” she said… and off she went, shaking her head. 

Still, after all these awkward situations, there is no judgment in Delilah’s voice and she explains how difficult it was to try and leave the situation without making them feel like, in Pink’s words, dirty little freaks.

I mentioned Mr. Toxic Tattoo to her, just to let her know she’s not alone… but the truth is, “he likes dead people”– how can ya beat that?  And the freak match goes to…………….  Delilah the Sweet!

Published in: on March 19, 2011 at 2:36 am  Leave a Comment  
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