Don’t Jam Up My Inbox!— except maybe you (wink wink, nudge nudge)

I recently sent a message to a guy on a dating site, then next thing I know I’ve got like 11 messages from him!  I start reading, thinking the computer is screwing up and sending the same email over and over again.  NO, he is complaining that we had “started a conversation” and that I just bailed.   Ummm, I sent an email and then went on with my day.  What does he expect, that I sit in front of the computer waiting for his emails all day?

There is another email that said something like “I thought I’d actually met someone I had things in common with.  Guess not.  Too good to be true.”

Then another that was kind of a rant and said “I don’t know how this internet dating thing works but my time is just as valuable as yours….”  and on and on and on.

I am a single Mom and work a crazy schedule with 12 hour shifts and all kinds of bizzaro things.   Sorry this dude I emailed once wasn’t my first priority.

One of the messages was all sweet and had a little graphic included.  Wtf??

There was another guy that emailed me several times and I didn’t reply.  Wasn’t interested.  He was half naked in the photo.. and my readers know how I feel about that.  Plus, he was covered in what looked like prison and gang tattoos.  I also didn’t like his profile and I definitely didn’t like his screen name “Big Balla”…  PASS

But of course, prison tatt guy can’t let it go and messages me several times before finally saying “oh, my bad, I guess you don’t like black men”.  What!   ya, there is no other POSSIBLE reason.. has to be racism.  BLOCK.

Recent experiences haven’t all been bad… I’ve met an international traveler with piercing eyes that I’ve been texting with everyday.  I’ll get to see him in person soon, which is exciting but either way, he’s a cool guy and I’d like to say that we are, at the very least, friends.

Met another friend, an air force veteran and criminal defense attorney.  Very cool.  I’m not a “money gal”, but I think criminal defense is fascinating and passionate.  I probably watch too much TV…hehehe

Most surprisingly, I came across a profile for a guy that I immediately liked.  It was kind of like meeting Mr. Cool in person for the first time, or talking to Captain Amazing for the first time… Only it happened just from looking at his profile.  Curious, and kind of fantastic!  He was SO funny.  I could tell just by the pictures he posted.  He’s a red head, which I love and I’m sure it’s because the first boy I ever fell in love with had red hair. 

So, I go back to the site to message him a third time and give him my number, but he already beat me to it and gave me his digits.  We texted a little bit, and I could tell what he was going to say before he said it.  I am SO intrigued, but damn it, he’s over 4 hrs away from my miserable little mid-western town.   Oh, what to do, what to do….  It was the kind of feeling that makes me want to drive the 4 hours the first chance I get, even if I have to drive over there, and then back the next night.   He’s not thrilled about the distance either but we have decided to at least stay in contact and be friends… because you never know what this crazy world will bring. 

I completely agree, but I can’t help but wondering…  Why this sudden connection?  Is it some kind of “a sign”?

Published in: on March 6, 2011 at 2:34 am  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. It isn’t really about sudden connections. It’s about online dating. The messaging system is severely flawed in that in order for a guy to have any kind of success, we must keep the conversation flowing. Silence is deadly.

    Instant gratification is the second half of the equation. It’s the internet. We are all connected now. If you are connected, you should be able to keep up with the fast paced world that is being online.

    When we don’t get a reply, we have to come up with reasons. Women do this too. Rejection is the norm in online dating. We are so used to getting rejected, a positive response is as revolutionary as man inventing fire.

    Some men are just eager to meet someone, so eager in fact, that we stumble over ourselves trying to impress you and establish some kind of meaningful connection.

    Right? Wrong? This is online dating. Proper message management is paramount.

    • I think instant connections are rare and important. I think it’s the universe trying to tell us something. As far as the messaging goes, I can see how silence can be deadly. However, some people really get carried away with this. I have a life to live. I have sent out plenty of positive responses but I am busy which is why online dating is so helpful.

      Proper message management is very important… and I’d advise to manage with charm, because 10 emails can be kinda fun, or kinda creepy stalkerish. Depends on how you manage them I guess.

      • That’s kinda where you’re missing my point. Online dating for the busy person went out of style ages ago. Initially, being busy and resorting to online dating makes sense to the unsuspecting eye. When you start managing your inbox, you’ll notice how you never have enough time to read profiles, reply to messages, or establish anything meaningful. It turns into work. Men have to come to you, not the other way around. The cycle begins and ends there.

        Everyone has a life to live. We know. If you don’t prioritize online dating in some form or another, you not only hurt your chances, but you hurt the chances of everyone else. I’ve been doing online dating for years now (since 2004, at least). This is the new reality. It’s not set up to cater to the volume. It’s set up to permit rejection on a massive scale.

        If you want instant connections, you’ll have to take it to the face to face phase sooner rather than later. You won’t get zapped online. Someone kinda discussed this on Online dating is now an active process, not a passive one.

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