“Do”s and “Don’t”s of Internet Dating

I have been using Internet dating sights for about four years.  I have met some incredible, interesting people and also had some frustrating experiences. 

I still have frustrating experiences!  So I am going to post some “do”s and “don’t”s which will hopefully improve your own personal search for a soul mate.

“DO”s

DO post a picture… I can’t emphasize this enough!!  Take a million pictures of yourself, if you have to, then find one that is at least a little flattering and post it!  Be OK with who you are and how you look!  There is someone for everyone.  The fact is, physical attraction is important in dating.  As much as we would like to say that looks don’t matter, let’s be real– they do!  You don’t have to be a 10 but do your best to be cute and clean and then snap some photos.  It’s good not to be too tied in to one ideal that your are open to men or women who aren’t as muscular or thin as you’re used to but you have to find them attractive!  Plus, what does the lack of a picture say about you?  Either other members think you are hideous, so you don’t want to post, or you’re not smart enough to figure out how to post one.  Whatever your issue is, get over it.  If you are going to use Internet dating sites you must have a photo!

DO wear clothes…  Now I’m talking about dating sites, not hook up sites.  If you are kickin it on Adult Friend Finder then by all means, let your freak flag fly!  However, if you are creating a profile on a site  that is geared toward dating and relationships then put on some clothes!    I have seen photos of guys just hanging around their house with shirt off and it’s weird.  In the context of this kind of site, it’s weird and makes me think “this guy looks like some kind of serial killer!”  BLOCK!  Don’t pull up your shirt to show your hott abs.  Do not post of pic of yourself shirtless and in bed… and Definitely don’t put up a photo of your self half naked AND wet.  (You can laugh but I’ve seen it!)  I saw one guys profile who is some kind of surf instructor and had a photo of himself with like six bikini clad women.  Now, I know this is his job but my “look out, he’s a ladies man” red flag still pops up.

DO say hello…  One of my most recent frustrating experiences was to have a man thrust his information in my face without as much as a hello.  I felt like “jeez, you could have at least bought me dinner!”  Be courteous!  You don’t walk up to someone you see in a bar and just say “here, look me up”.  No small talk, no attempt to be charming, no nothing!  So don’t do it on-line either. 

DO be willing to make some effort…  The man who thrust his information in my face also seemed to have no interest in making any effort.  He expected me to call him, or look him up on facebook, or whatever.  What the hell for?  He didn’t express any interest in talking to me or taking me out.  Why should I bother??  Should I start down a road that entails me doing all the work?  I don’t think so!  This ain’t no one way street!  Don’t be this kind of doofas.   So decide how much effort you are willing to put in and then act on it. 

DO use it as a forum to meet people you actually intend to meet, like in person…  If you bump into someone at the grocery store that you like.  You ask them out.  You don’t attempt to learn everything you can about them standing there in the check out line, do you?  And if you do, you have problems….

DO think about what really matters… When building your profile, must she really enjoy hunting??  Is that a complete deal breaker?  I mean I saw a guys profile the other day that said he was looking for a woman who loves hunting, fishing, camping, hiking and four wheeling.  What is he lookin for– a dude?  I mean, seriously, get some guy friends to go fishin’ with!  I’m sure there are hott women out there in the world who enjoy those things but really, how many?  Those are quite masculine hobbies.  Is it really important that she love all those things or that you enjoy being with her and she is an accepting and loving person that respects your hobbies and might be willing to go along with you from time to time?  I have an aunt and uncle that have been happily married for over a decade and he loves hunting and fishing.  She goes along in the comfort of their camp trailer.  She doesn’t go trekking through the woods to kill Bambi but she’s there as his companion and they compliment each other.

DO update your profile often…   I went out on a date with a guy once who’s profile actually said “Hoping for marriage.”  That surprised me but I figured, what the hell, why not meet him?  He later confessed that he didn’t even know what was on that profile.  He created it several years ago and now he was just on-line looking for friends.  What the hell?  Update your profile!  Or remove it completely because “friends” really aren’t the point on dating sites.  There are also other important details on that profile that could mean the difference between someone messaging your or passing you up with a scoff, so pay attention!  If it says “do you have a car?”, don’t click N/A, just answer the question!  And make sure it’s accurate…  no joke, I once had a guy message me to let me know I had clicked YES on the “do you do drugs” question.  (holy crap I have never updated a profile so fast in my life!)

and now the “DON‘T”s

Don’t be too specific on your profile…  Keep an open mind.  I have often looked at a man’s profile and thought, “well I’m not a super athletic swimsuit model, and if that’s what he’s looking for, I’ll just move on.”  Sure, say what kind of person you are looking for but getting super specific can definitely backfire on you.  I saw one profile where the man actually put how much his ideal match should WEIGH and how tall she would be.  What a superficial jerk! 

Don’t have a bad attitude…  Try to make your profile and your interactions with people upbeat.  No one wants to date the depressed cynical super sad guy.  Don’t bash your exs or do anything that causes a dark cloud to form over your profile.  That’s no fun, and people won’t want to be around you.  I once asked a guy what his greatest adventure was, and I kid you not, he replied “well, I was married for 8 years and I thought that was gonna be a great adventure.”  I was like “did he really just write that??”  And don’t use the word “female”… what are we, dogs?  (that’s just my own personal pet peeve, and I had to throw it in somewhere.)

Don’t require someone to request your photo…  Whatever your reason is for doing this, STOP IT!  It has the same affect as not posting a picture at all.  One of my guy friends requested a girl’s photo just to see how bad it was!  He wasn’t even interested, just curious about how horrible the photo must be!

Don’t be unrealistic…  Of course we all want the ultimate relationship, and would love to be with someone who looks like a super model with the personality and drive to match but can we be realistic for a second please?  OK, maybe there is a slim possibility you could meet some gorgeous underwear model who actually happens to have a personality and you fall in love.  MAYBE.  But do you really want to put that on your profile?  It displays an image that no woman can possibly live up to. 

Don’t expect someone else to make you happy… I’ve seen that in a profile before.  Looking for someone to make me happy.  It screams needy malcontent!  And that is a lot of responsibility to put on another person.  If you can’t make you happy, how is she supposed to??   Handle your biz!  If you are sitting around waiting for someone to make you happy or fill this empty hole in your life… know this…  That is NOT healthy.  So get yourself to a good place and then edit that profile!

Don’t skip right to facebook…  A friend of mine says “facebook is where relationships go to die” and I agree with him.  I could friend you on facebook but then I definitely don’t want to date you!  Not only is this a wide open door into your life and pictures of your kids and info about your cousins wedding (it’s a stalker’s wet dream) but it can work the other way as well.  How often do you talk to your individual friends on facebook?  I tried going straight from the dating site to facebook and that was the last I heard from the guy.  That happened with a couple guys actually.  I will not have another dude on my facebook unless we are “facebook official”.  That’s my pledge.  If your on-line dating subscription is about to expire or something (first of all stop being a cheap bastard and pay your measly $40) then give me your number or an email or something.  Don’t jump to facebook….  I’m just sayin’, it’s not a good idea.

Don’t lash out…  When someone doesn’t reply or maybe isn’t interested in your advances there could be a whole pile of reasons for that!  Don’t get all pissed about it…. and if you’re a guy with anger issues and just can’t stop the steam from coming out your ears over something like this then give yourself a toddler time out and DO NOT fire off a nasty email as revenge.  It’s just ridiculous, and mean… plus you’re burning bridges.  Maybe I wasn’t interested but my super hott sister is on this site too and I was going to send her a link to your profile, until I got that ferocious email!

Don’t be dishonest…  Why would you do this?  You are setting yourself up for a huge fiasco.  You watch, because you lied (like a dirty cheating lying liar) in your profile it’ll be your luck to meet the woman of your dreams and then she finds out whatever you lied about and it’s ruined.  Just don’t do it.  This INCLUDES posting photos that aren’t RECENT or aren’t even you.  I have to say, one of the biggest complaints I hear from my guy friends is “she looked NOTHING like her picture!”.  That counts as lying!  Take a deep breath and type the truth.  Have some confidence.  Just put it out there, like it or not, it is what it is.

Don’t give up too quickly…  Dating on-line is not something magical, it’s just another place to meet people.  Just like you don’t expect to meet your soul mate the first time you show up at a new writers club meeting, you shouldn’t expect to find him/her the first time you go on-line either.

Hang in there all you singles… enjoy the journey and I hope this makes the ride a little smoother and lends some laughs along the way!