A Great Adventure –and then Musings, Misconceptions, and the Evils of Text Messaging

I really should be sleeping but there’s a story that I’ve got to get out of my head.

Captain Amazing and I had a great adventure.  I planned and primped and we drove off the beaten path to a very rustic mineral bath resort in the woods.  It was  a hidden little place, like a secret garden amongst the hills and trees with a giant looming gate at the front entrance.  The place is earthy and peaceful, wonderful in it’s own way.  It’s filled with a vibe that conjures up visions of it’s prime in the 1960s when many more people may have walked it’s floors to commune with the Mother Earth.

For me, this encournter with Captain Amazing was different.  I felt differently about it as I began to plan.  I know him a little better, so I had quite a good idea of the kind of trek he might enjoy.

The truth is, I wasn’t even sure it was a date.  I wasn’t looking at it like that.  We are friends, and I am enjoying his personality, his vibe and his stories.  I know he’s had an enormously difficult week and I couldn’t be there to give him a hug, and listen or drink or just distract him.  So, I wanted to plan something fantastic.  Treat him, pamper him and warm his heart some after a bitter cold week.

I succeeded.  I could tell the minute we drove through the looming gate, and I told him where we were.  That was a fantastic feeling but even before that this trip was different.  I was much more comfortable and our banter was closer to being just what we share on the phone all the time.  Up to this point, for me, it has felt like two separate experiences, in person and then on the phone.  This ride in the car was like the two sides coming together.  It was a delight.

Captain Amazing seemed more comfortable too.  The other two times I had seen him he was almost stand-offish and seemed to be making a point of not touching me, but that didn’t seem like his natural way.  He’s a very warm and down to earth person, despite his many varied and incredible experiences.  He appreciates different types of people and sees them for whatever color of gem they might be.  This time he seemed more comfortable and not afraid to touch me.  That was a very good feeling.

SO, we drove in to this beautiful hide-away, and had our adventure full of new experiences, playfullness, connection and my silly giggles.  I’m a giggler, what can I say?  We had such good fortune that evening, as we got to the bath house and I managed to talk them in to staying open for us.  We had our mineral baths and shared the sauna, just the two of us. 

At one point Captain Amazing and I talked about trying to “spark things up”. 

“This is sparking things up” he said and then told me he planned to be “all in” during this adventure and see what comes of it.  He could see I was searching for words and asked if that sounded like a plan.  I said whatever happens is good to me, I just don’t want to ruin it.  “I don’t want to ruin it” he replied, and softly kissed my lips. 

We busted out the door into the brisk winter air and tip-toed down the cedar steps in our bare feet to take a dip in the frigid mountain stream, all a part of this healing routine they recommend.  We did the rotation, rinsed off, and got on our way.  I was pleased that just as we left he asked the last staff member to take our photo.

We set out for our next excursion and I talked to him like a tour guide through this little bit of paradise I call home.  We visited one of my favorite restaurants, a gorgeous resort with tacky cheap carnations on the tables.  Our converstation drifted to dating and relationships, past lovers and experiences.  To me I could feel the ebb and flow that night, from feeling like we were the only two people on the planet and then drifting back to the realities of life that we talk so easily about.

Next we were on our way to a cool little cafe with a stage in the back.  The conversation was easy most of the time, but he also sees my tendency to have a thought and keep it to myself.  He called me on it, getting me to open the private world in my head to him a little more.

We stood for a long time in the crowded hallway watching the bodies moving in time to the music.  I could see his head bobbing and feel his fingers drumming along my side.  From the evening I have snapshots burned into my brain of him sweating in the sauna, crouched freezing in the stream, running up the stairs and especially looking at me with this mischievous surprised smile as we sat in my car.

We cut the evening a little shorter than I expected but the band was insisting on doing sound check after sound check and had a terrible time transitioning from one song to the next, so that part wasn’t a huge loss.

We chatted easily on the way back to reality about my best girlfriend that he briefly met, and anything else that entered our minds.  I started wondering out loud about how our night had gone, wanting to get his take on things.  For me, the feeling of the night was a swelling and settling like waves of the ocean when you are far from shore.  He is getting to know me quite well though, and I suspect sees my tendency to over-think and read into things, so he stopped me and rattled off a list of why he loved the date.

We kissed good-night standing in the middle of the street and he jumped in his car to head back to the city.  I was filled with this overwhelming gladness for having shared this time with him.   We’re friends but sometimes we are in this gray area and I don’t know what this is…  but it doesn’t matter, I was just glad to be there in his company. 

The truth is, I’m not sure if he knows what he’s looking for or if he’s right for me and I don’t want to think about it.  I don’t want to try and move puzzle pieces around to try to make them fit together.  I just want to be here now, and live this experience. I sent him a heartfelt text message saying so.

And then… I didn’t hear back from him.  For hours on end, no word.  Knowing that he is a man than crams an abundance of life into whatever time he has, it occurred to me that he may have gotten back to the city and went out on the town. 

I have to admit, the idea of this bothered me some.  I felt like it made our night a little less special, and the insecurity creature started to creep in like fog you don’t notice right away. 

 I have enormous respect for Captain Amazing and that night I was able to see this wonderful smoldering sexy side of him and that meant something to me.  I didn’t want to be the girl he cut the night short with so he could rush back and dance the night away.  I didn’t want to feel I had bored him or that the time had no meaning for him.

In truth, I know him well enough to know that he’s not like that.  He’s considerate, sentimental and emotional, and cares people very much.  He wouldn’t look at the situation like that.  Still, without realizing I was being neurotic I texted him again in the morning.

For me it didn’t seem such an awful thing.  He’d gotten home about the same time I had returned and gotten my babies in to bed.  So, I got up, started my day, went to work and sent him another text.  Two hours later with still no word I texted again asking him to give me a call.  I wanted talk to him and make sure everything was ok since I had kind of put myself out there with that sweet message the night before and hadn’t heard back.

To him, this was a whole different experience.   He’d had a drunk friend crisis and been up half the night being disappointed in someone he had been SO excited about.  I had no way of knowing this, and I should have let it lie and been confident knowing he would get back to me.  He’s not one of these Houdini guys and he appreciates our friendship.

After waking him with the way too early text messages, he rubs his burning tired eyes and sees a string of text messages housing a host of different emotions.  Damn the text messaging.  I love it and I hate it.  What a perilous game to play when as much as 80% of communication is nonverbal.  You can’t see a person’s facial expression, body language or even hear the tone of their voice.  And I had now succeeded in making myself look like a crazy drama queen and on the worst possible day for him.  Brilliant!

So, he’s pissed at me.  For him the most important thing was also not to ruin the friendship we’ve found and there I go texting like a nutcase.  We chatted and I tried to explain.  It took a lot for me to stay on the phone because the feeling of him being pissed at me was almost overwhelming.  My words weren’t smooth and clear.  I stumbled and searched for the right way to express myself but it was just downright bumpy.

Still, I am left with the feeling that our adventure was an enormous gift.  I’m glad to have had it and I am still in the place where I just want to experience this exquisite beautiful inconsistent sometimes painful roller coaster.  I don’t want to move the pieces around.  I just want to be here now, with my friend. 

I’m sending good thoughts your way, Captain Adventure, and I hope your agitation settles soon so we can continue this journey through to the other side…  whatever the other side of these moments in time might bring.

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Published in: on February 25, 2011 at 12:01 am  Leave a Comment  
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