Let Me Be Myself, So I Can Shine

Over the years I have learned that one of the most valuable things in a relationship is finding someone who allows you to be yourself.   More than that, someone who knows you and appreciates who you are. 

I personally have found myself attracted to controlling men over and over again.  Don’t ask me why!  I wish that weren’t the case because I see so many problems with this type of relationship.  I feel suffocated, and unappreciated, trapped even… but mostly the problem is that the controller has no chance to really get to know me. 

I found myself hiding things that I worried would make him uncomfortable or upset.  The truth is, I also began to feel insecure about those parts of myself.  It was as if there was something wrong about me, and that’s why those things bothered him.   And then we are left with all these things he’ll never get a chance to see and therefor can not appreciate.  

My most wonderful relationships have been the ones where all my silly quirks and faults are out there for the world to see and he giggles!  He appreciates the fact that my BFF texts me at all hours of the day and night, that’ I’m hooked on Mt. Dew and take one everywhere I go.  He teases me about the fact that I sleep on my face, and  that I seem to get along much better with men than with women (men are just simpler and more straight forward).  He even gives me funny nicknames because of these little details.  Also, not everyone gets to see these things so it’s a special sweet little secret between the two of us.

I’ve also found that when I can truly be myself, I shine.. just like the song by 3 Doors Down.  That’s when you feel amazing and confident, playful and unabashed.  That’s when I’m funny and sassy and full of light and love. 

In the future I will not settle for anything less… and I’m committed to being that person that can let my partner shine. 

I have decided to just put it out there.  I’m going to be myself, and if it doesn’t go over well, or there is something my date doesn’t like then it’ll show quickly and he’ll be gone.  Nothing lost, nothing gained.  Anything else is insufficient.  It’s bullshit drama, and not being authentic, and a waste of my time.  It’s hard enough for all of us to let those pieces of ourselves show without someone standing in our way.

I was once in a relationship with a Controller and he desperately wanted to change this side of himself.  He even worked at it some, but in the end I have no desire to change anyone.  If the fit isn’t right, then it’s just not right, and life is too short for me to be wrestling with these issues for possibly years to come.  Another aspect of the situation is that the controlling was his default.  It was what he naturally did when he was scared or worried, and so I was bound to see it again and again even as he was working on changing it.

There are plenty of things in relationships that are worth overlooking, or hanging in there for and working on together but to me, not being able to really be myself… to have to tip toe around someone’s feelings…  that’s a deal breaker.  It’s one of those qualities that just has to “fit” right from the start.

So, readers go out and find it.  Find that one who really sees you and finds you amazing and fantastic.  The one who cherishes every quirk.  It will be worth it.  It will be worth all the ones you had to let go… and then some!

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Published in: on February 25, 2011 at 4:59 pm  Leave a Comment  
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