The Sultan of Shoes

Once again an Internet dating find, The Sultan and I began texting. 

He was so confident talking about how he loved to dance, traveling frequently, owned a business and a couple pieces of land he worked as a hobby.  He’s a divorced father of three girls and handsome enough.  He talked about his childlike curiosity and the freedom he felt to show up to an event on his own timeline, etc. 

He was also long winded.  I believe it is physically impossible for the Sultan to compose a text message less than five pages long!

He talked about how sensual he was and how going out with him was going to be SO entertaining.  He’s so gregarious, it’s like watching a show.  He talked about how funny he is and finally I started to realize that the Sultan had an awful lot to say about himself.  I don’t think I could drum up even one five page text bragging about how wonderful I am.  Oh well, I guess I’m just not a braggart.

Then more red flags started to crop up, like when he told me I “should have” had a full length pic on my profile.  He’s telling me how to run my profile?

I was supposed to meet him one evening for dinner, but I had incredibly overbooked myself that week and I was exhausted so I told a little fib and said the babysitter had canceled.  He indicated that I had given him plenty of notice and all was ok, until later when he kept making jabs, saying he’s never been stood up before.  When I stated I had NOT stood him up, he said “ok, I’ve never been canceled on before.”  I already felt bad and his badgering was starting to piss me off.  The snide little remarks were so rude.

He was also a little odd.  At one point he asked me “so, do you have a lot of cute shoes?”  Weird question for a dude right?  I replied that I did, but in my defense, my mother is a shoe-aholic, and whenever she comes to town she buys me shoes.  He then asked me to send him a picture of my favorite shoes –on my feet.  o-o-ok.  However, I figured, shoes can be sexy, so I sent the pic.

He once told me I was “kinda cute” and when I joked back at him “kinda?” He snapped “what do you want me to say?  Oh my God you’re the most beautiful woman in the world! ….” etc etc.  I was taken aback, to say the least.

Another time I answered some questions for him and missed one.  When he told me I had forgotten one, I said “nuh-uh, which one?” 

“The one about the movie” he replied “u slow?”  Just a shout out guys, NEVER but never ask a woman “what are you slow?”, not even as a joke.  It will not go well.

That was about the time that I had HAD IT.  I stopped replying.  I was seeing control freak, and manipulation red flags all over this guy!

Still, he persisted as if he hadn’t even noticed he was getting no replies from me, and in the morning when I opened my phone, what should pop up but a pic of The Sultan’s own shoes.  wiiiierd!  I was very grateful that he had NO idea where I lived.

I have spent my life around the most manly of men, and the thought that a guy is so enamored with his own shoes that he would send me a picture of them, unprompted, was really bizarre.  How narcisistic was this dude?

So, I politely texted him and told him I was starting to feel he was a little too aggressive a personality for me.  I didn’t want to say “You’re a weird little arrogant jerk” so I said “aggressive personality.”

He did say “best wishes” but first had to tell me how WRONG I was and that, of course, he’s the least aggressive man on the planet.

Still, I got a good story out of the deal, and when I told my friend Captain Fantastic about it I quickly heard my text tone and pop.. just as I expected, there was a picture of his shoes!!!!

Published in: on February 11, 2011 at 5:45 pm  Comments (1)  
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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. I’d like to paint you a picture- inspire me.

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